If you happen to have married one, you may be desperate to know how to change a violent husband or wife. There is more than one answer to this question and none of them are particularly easy ones. To begin with, most likely YOU are not the one who will be able to change your partner’s violent tendencies, especially if you are the target of this violence when it gets out of control.
Taking care of this situation will probably be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done.
The place to start when you are looking for how to change a violent husband or wife is all the way back to the beginning. The beginning, that is, of your partner’s violent acts. Were there signs of this while you were dating? Is it something that came on gradually, or did it begin rather suddenly? The answers to these questions are very important as the cause of the violence is going to be the key to stopping it.
If your spouse has always had particularly violent ways of dealing with situations, chances are this is what was witnessed in his or her home. Parents are a huge influence on the type of adult a child becomes and, if this is the way your spouse’s parents were, you have a huge part of the answer. In this case, it is important to bring a professional counselor into the picture. If your spouse is not willing to go, then YOU should so you can learn how to put up with those violent outbursts because they will most likely never stop.
If you are bearing the physical brunt of this violence, and are wondering how to change a violent husband or wife, there is nothing else to do but refuse to live under the same roof until your spouse seeks the help that is so sorely warranted. You must protect yourself, as well as any children you may have. There are signs that it’s time to go, and if you’re seeing them, don’t take any chances. Be smart and get out while you still can.
On the other hand, if the violence is something new, the doctor’s office is the best place to start. A physical examination may turn up the reason for these new tendencies and, most likely, be treated. It works somewhat the same for an emotional reason for the violence. This can also be addressed through therapy and medication, if needed.
Sadly, the most honest answer to how to change a violent husband or wife is that YOU are not the one who CAN change them. You can encourage them to seek help or try to get them to tell you what’s making them feel so angry, but the bottom line is if they don’t want to be helped, you can’t do a lot for them. If it comes down to staying with someone who is never going to change their violent tendencies, or getting out to protect yourself, the answer is a clear one.